we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
