i can't believe i had my finger in that
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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