I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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