the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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