The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
