they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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