Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize