Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
