Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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