the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
