I will die if light touches me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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