He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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