So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
