Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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