I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
