Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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