I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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