Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
