I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
