I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize