Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i now understand why vodka
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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