I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
