I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
