i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
