i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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