I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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