Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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