I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
