it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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