Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
