I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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