Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
