i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
