i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
