I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
