I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
