She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
