we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Im part way to drunk.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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