btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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