i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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