She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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