Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize