I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
