oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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