i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
