I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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