I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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