I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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