oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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