Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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