my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
