you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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