i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
