the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
