I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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