It's like God shit irony all over that family
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
