I forgot how hot balto sounded
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
