I should be sponsored by Trojan
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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