Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
