soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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