his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
