Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My feet surprised me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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