is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
