Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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