So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
