I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
