is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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