I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
