I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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