im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
