Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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