My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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