How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
